Tuesday 25 March 2014

Too flat to think of a title.

Feeling a bit tired and weird today. The thought of leaving the house totally overwhelmed me. Which resulted in the manic side of my depression kicking in and i have a suuuper tidy organised room. Recently i have noticed the manic side of my illness coming out, although it isn't quite as horrible as being sad and down, it still scares me. I feel like i don't really have control over myself. I think it might be my brains way of defending itself from becoming overwhelmed with sadness and tiredness? I just wish i could be normal. 

On a slightly irrelevant note, does anyone watch The Following?!!!??!!   

Becca

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Body Shop Baked Bronzer




I remember buying a baked bronzer a few years ago when The Body Shop First released them and shortly after that, I remember being devastated when it smashed and had to be thrown away. I forgot about this until recently whilst perusing the store for a birthday present. I was instantly drawn to this shade (02) as it just looked so summery and glowy and lovely. It has not disappointed me! You can apply a light layer for a slight glow or build it up to add that healthy look you usually only get from a few days in gorgeous sunshine. I really love it. The pink undertones mean that blusher isn't really necessary and highlighter is optional. It has quickly become a make up staple for me and I can't wait to be able to wear it with a proper tan come summer!

Have you guys got any favourite Body Shop products?

Becca.

Tuesday 18 March 2014

Topshop Finishing Powder




I was drawn to this powder as soon as I saw it at work. It seems impossible to capture its beautiful shimmer in photographs which is frustrating as it is so so pretty. As well as that, it feels like velvet and makes your face feel just as lovely; and it smells incredible!! Although it appears white in the pan, it is completely translucent once applied to skin. I have been using a standard round make up sponge to apply it on top of my foundation and concealer and it really does set everything in place and keeps your face looking fresh and lovely all day! It seems pricey at £14 but I think it has been worth every penny.

Have you guys got any setting products you can't live without?

Becca.

Monday 17 March 2014

Gravity


I was pretty excited to watch Gravity as I didn't know too much about it other than it had won awards and what not. Boy was I disappointed!! It starts off pretty well, tense action pretty much from the get go. And then it kinda just lost it for me. I know a few people who disagree with me so maybe give it a chance anyway? But me and Mel were left really unfulfilled by it. It kinda felt like nothing happened, nothing we were all that bothered about anyway. I mean, the effects are incredible and Sandra is as fabulous as ever but it just didn't invoke any emotion in me and that is pretty rare! I gave up caring what happened and the ending just topped it off. Sorry guys, it just wasn't for me!

Have any of you seen Gravity? What did you think?

Becca. 

Old Love Affairs




Whilst trying to clear out some of my wardrobe recently, I came across my leather pants. Last year, I adored these beauties, Friends jokes aside, but this year I wasn't so sure. I decided to try style them up again to see how I felt: I paired them with another old favourite in the form of my low back American Apparel vest and my new Topshop skate shoes and now I am just waiting for an occasion to wear this outfit!

What do you guys think?

Becca. 

Sunday 16 March 2014

Too Many Thoughts About Too Many Things

I feel like I've neglected my little blog for a while and it's had a bit of a strange effect: Although I feel like I have been actually living my life and not focussing too much on online stuff, I have seeeeriously missed writing my thoughts down, it provides a cathartic affect unlike most other things. There is quite a lot going on in my brain at the moment, some good, some bad. Feel like my brain is a bit of a seesaw, happy thoughts that make me smile followed by spiralling unpleasant things that make me scared and give me a knot in my stomach. I feel like I have focussed a lot on other people recently which I know isn't a bad thing, but when you allow your life to become defined by others, it is quite easy to lose sight of what you actually want. Saying this, I don't know what I want. Frustrating really. People just amaze me, they intrigue me and terrify me and I just find individuals on a whole down right confusing. Feel like there is too much going on in my brain, I wish I could get out of my own head for a while.
Gonna stop writing because I feel like this will only become more wordy and deep and I will just depress you guys!!

On a happy note, 2 of my best pals bumped into one of my other best pals at the full moon party in Thailand last night; 30,000 people and they see each other. Made me smile.

Hope you guys are all doing good!! I am going to try and be good at writing again :)

Becca.

Wednesday 5 March 2014

Heads Or Tails And Heart Attacks And Broken Dreams Tonight

Had my penultimate counselling session this week. Bit scary knowing that soon I will be back on my own again but Nicola has told me that I can always go back for more therapy or help whenever I feel I need which is super reassuring. As we are coming to the end of our sessions, Nicola wanted to tackle my extreme lack of self worth which seems to be at the root of a lot of my issues; I don't like myself so I always assume I am going to fail and bad things will happen which is quite a large cause of my anxiety. It also makes my depression harder to fight because when I am feeling down or lonely or numb or anything like that, I tell myself I deserve it, I am worthless and it is my fault etc etc. This isn't the easiest thing to write about because it is really really deeply rooted in my psyche and it is something extremely personal but I promised I would always be honest here. I also realise that it is something people won't really understand or anything but I'm gonna try to make some sense. I don't really know why I have such a strong self loathing but I am learning to try not to focus on the why as that just leads to more frustrating self hate. I just don't like myself and it is mainly linked to the chemical imbalances that cause depression and a few events that I just haven't dealt with well. Counselling allows me to talk those things through and let them out, and cognitive behavioural therapy has allowed me to try and understand them, deal with them, tackle them and move on. And so this week, I have some tasks to try and tackle my self hate. This may sound really stupid to some of you, or even kind of egotistical, believe me, I am skeptical but willing to try. I am supposed to be writing down things about myself or things I have done that challenge my belief that I am down right rubbish. As I have previously said, Topshop is really boosting my confidence; I still get anxious, have mild panic attacks, the occasional cry and constant fear of doing something wrong. However, I am still there, I haven't been sacked yet, I am actually doing alright!! That is something I am focusing on as often as I can. And it is definitely something I am going to write down. Other than that, I am struggling a little bit, but I have a week. Nicola is hoping that the act of writing these things down will allow me to remember them when my brain is telling me I should just give up. I don't expect this to be a quick fix and I don't expect that I will suddenly be all confident and happy. I know I will continue to have downers and all that goes with them, but hopefully I can start to avoid taking it out on myself, blaming and punishing my already weak and broken mind. Time will tell.. 
Again, I am really sorry if this is rambley, it isn't easy to write about and I hope you can understand that. 

Becca.

Monday 3 March 2014

Right Now You're All That I Recognise


I have found myself drawn to dresses a lot more than usual recently, maybe because it is starting to feel more like Spring? This beauty of a number is from Motel Rocks who always produce amazing prints in a range of styles. The perfect loose fit and stunning pattern had me at hello, it is most certainly going to be a go to piece for a long time to come!

What do you guys think?

Becca.