Hiding On The Backstreets

Had counselling again yesterday. Quite productive as it was more about anxiety and I have been a bit on edge and had one panic attack. Nicola talked a lot about accepting anxiety, fighting it can make it so much worse and accepting that I may get anxious but that I will survive is something I need to try and deal with. Although that is far easier said than done, it is something I am going to try and hold on to in serious times of panic. She also made the point that anxiety isn't always a totally bad thing; it makes you more aware which can avoid you doing things you are anxious about and ultimately stop you getting in bad situations or whatever. Another point I am going to try to keep telling myself. I don't think we're going to be dealing with panicking for much longer, I think she wants to move on to my depression. Part of me is glad of this as obviously it is something I really want to get rid of but I am also terrified; talking about depression is so so so emotional and scary and draining but I am fairly certain it is something I need to keep doing. I have another doctors appointment tomorrow (getting an actual appointment is so ridiculous here, they try and pie you off with phone appointments and nurse practioners, when I was at uni, if I wasn't checking in every 2-4 weeks, I was in serious trouble, they seemed to care much more about monitoring me and things than here. Quite scary that even crying to a receptionist about not having seen a doctor in months and worrying that strong medicines aren't working does not spark any response other than "you can have a phone appointment" GRRR. Can you tell it annoys me!!!!) Anyway, I think they're gonna do a medication review and stuff so shall see how it goes.

Here is my comfy outfit of the day; an ensemble you will often find me in, mens shirts and leggings...

Becca.