This Train..

This week has been a bit of a funny one really. It was off to a pretty positive start on Monday, Adecco asked me to go back to work at MMU and it was Soph's birthday and I felt alright. Carved my pumpkins, did some baking, felt all homey. And then, like flicking a switch, it started to go down hill. I don't even know what triggered such a sudden mood change but by the time I was off to bed on Monday, I felt really, really crap.
I woke up on Tuesday and got ready for work, all the while holding back tears and trying to breathe and not break down. I managed to get to Manchester but then the shit hit the fan and I was a mess. Basically I sat sobbing on a street corner in the rain trying not to throw up from panic. (I do not want to think about what I must have looked like to normal people) In the end I caved and told work I couldn't make it and headed home and spent the day with the curtains closed and Max on my lap. Wednesday was much of the same, although this time I didn't even make it into town, I threw up, cried and just hated myself for the majority of the morning. I haven't felt so low in quite a while. I just completely detest myself when I get like this. There is absolutely no reason for it. And yet just looking at the front door was enough to break me. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I succeed at just getting through the week? I feel like I am drowning a lot at the moment; like I am really failing while everyone else is doing awesome things with their lives. Then there is me, talknig to my pets and myself and being rejected from every job I apply for. I hate how moany this is sounding. It's not that I am ungrateful, in fact, sometimes being this down makes me appreciate the smallest of things. It is just so easy to become swamped with negativity when nothing seems to be going right. Self-hatred aside, I went to the doctors last week, although I had a different person because it was last minute, he wasn't that bad. He didn't intimidate me or judge me or anything, although, it worries even me that when asked how the new tablets are, my genuine response is "well, I feel suicidal slightly less often so that has to be a good thing." It's true though, as much as I am still battling low moods, I don't find myself wishing myself into oblivion or not wanting to wake up quite as often. So yeah, I know that is morbid and probably depressing to read but it's true, and I am going to take it as a positive.
This is getting a bit rambley now, I am very sorry. I'm gonna go take the dog out and feel Autumny. Maybe get some hot chocolate and marshmallows.
Happy Halloween!!!

Becca.

Mind The Gap

Last weekend, I popped down South to see my boy and have my belated birthday treat day out in the Big Smoke. I was far too excited to be a loser of a tourist and go exploring. First stop was the Sea Life Centre as I have been dying to go for about a year and just love weird and wonderful animally things. It was SO good. I was the biggest kid ever squeaking and squealing at everything, probably quite embarassing for Mitch but hey, I have never touched a starfish before and I will queue up to do so..
After that, I managed to persuade him to go into the London Dungeons. (He is totally a wimp;)) I went to the Dungeons yeeears ago and I love anything gruesome and scary so was well happy to queue for an hour to see how the experience has changed. There is a new scary attraction in London called The London Tombs and I really want to do that one next time as it is rumoured to be terrifying. Unfortunately, we were a day early to go there and do the Phobophobia experience which sounds terrifying, horrific and awesome! Maybe next year...
Back to the Dungeons and a jolly dead jester pumpkin fellow was abusing people waiting in line; obviously, any of you who read my blog know that I am awful at social situations, completely anxious in crowds and hate having attention on me. Queue pumpkin man making me dance for a lolly.... I thought I may faint/vomit/die but I survived and got my lolly before he asked who was my carer... Even strangers are now clocking on to me being a loon.
The Dungeons were so fun, there is now a log flume type thing in the dark and some of the exhibition things are now different, for example, Sweeny Todd is now a pretty big part of the whole thing. The actors were amazing, although they all seemed to target this one poor couple every single time. I screamed so much but that just makes it more fun, I love being scared! The whole thing ends with a new sudden drop ride to give the illusion that you are hanging. It was well good and the picture from it is by far my favourite thing ever. The contrast between my exhilaration and Mitch's terror. Amazing.
We finished off the day with a wander down Oxford Road to Mitch's favourite music shop Hobgoblin and then some scrummy food at Garfunkles.
I didn't really get many photos other than fish because I just find London so incredible, it is such an assault on the senses really isn't it, there is so much to take in, I barely remember to put one foot in front of the other, let alone take photos. But here are a few of the best ones...

Becca.

Skin

One of the things I have realised since following so many beautiful and talented bloggers is that I am seriously lacking in certain beauty regimes; particularly skin. This was a bit shocking to me as I am a huge creature of habit and cannot function without my little routines and I also love it when my skin feels lovely, it makes me feel ten times better.
With this in mind, I thought I would invest in a few things to try and keep my face in tip top condition.
Firstly, I got the Neutrogena Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit face wash. I just wanted something simple and refreshing for my face in the morning and at night and this seemed like a good choice. Nothing too complicated or chemically and it smells divine. It leaves my skin feeling really clean and fresh so I don't think I could ask for much more.
Secondly, I went for Loreal's Skin Perfection Toner: This is a new range and I recently posted about the Magic Touch Instant Blur from the same range. As I said, I don't suffer too badly with my skin so I just wanted something that would maybe minimise my pores a bit and keep me looking fresh. This definitely feels like it is working when applied and soaks into the skin within a few minutes, leaving the velvety touch it claims to. The only thing I will say about this is that it is a bit thicker than usual toners and so doesn't soak into cotton wool as easily, therefore, take care when using it as it will go everywhere..
Finally, as a bit of a treat (Tesco are running the double up voucher thing on pretty much all beauty products right now, amazinggg) I opted for another product from the Skin Perfection range; the Advanced Correcting Serum. This claims to refine skin texture, tighten pores and even and brighten skin tone; basically everything I want from a product. Although you cannot expect miracles, I did have high hopes for this and I have noticed a difference after just under a weeks use. My skin actually does feel way nicer, my pores way less noticable and I just feel a bit better. I think this may become a bit of a favourite for me from now on.

Have you guys got any particular routines? Are there any skin products you can't live without?

Becca.

Loreal Skin Perfection Magic Touch Instant Blur

Loreal Skin Perfection Magic Touch Instant Blur - £12.99

I am a huge fan of primers and anything that claims to make my make up routine that little bit easier. I am quite lucky with my skin, I don't suffer from spots all that often and my main problems are visible pores and the occasional patch or blemish. For this reason, I don't really feel the need to wear foundation and what not every day but I do like to try new products that say they make your skin look a little bit nicer without anything too heavy or chemically. I got Instant Blur in the universal shade although I won't lie, I don't see why there are shades as the cream is a pale pinky colour and so seems irrelevant. Although it is of quite a thick consistency, Instant Blur blends like a dream and makes the skin feel lovely. I can't say it is amazing at toning down blemishes or patchy skin but it definitely works at minimising pores which are one of my pet peeves when it comes to my face so I am a fan of this. The only thing I am uncertain of is the quantity for the price; you don't apply tonnes in one go but nor can you only use teeny amounts so I am a bit worried how quickly it will run out and so for days I am not really bothered, I am going to stick with my old faithful friend Dr. Feel Good by Benefit which seems to have similar results.
A mixed review for this but not a total flop, I am quite intrigued to try the other products in the Skin Perfection range too. Have any of you used any of them? What are your opinions on potions that claim to be magic?

Becca.

Maia's 1st Birthday

The little beaut that is Maia turned 1 today!!! Hard to believe it has been a whole year really. But it is truly amazing to see how much she has grown and what an awesome little person she has become. Mine and mum's penguin cake turned out pretty good, not quite GBBO quality but made with love nonetheless:)
Despite being a bit ill this week, Maia was on top form and Hattie and Oscar are just as beautiful too. All in all, a slightly exhausting but happy happy day.

I hope you've all had a lovely weekend.

Becca.

Homegrown, English Folk Expo

I have been in love with folk artist Seth Lakeman for many many years but it was only last year at Ramsbottom Beer Festival that I finally got to witness him live for the first time; it was absolutely pouring down and he had only been given about 30 minutes to play but he was absolutely breathtaking. His soul and talent are incredible. Therefore, me and pa jumped at the chance to see him again on Friday night at another slightly bizzare venue in Bury town centre; this time at a small music festival Homegrown, part of the English Folk Expo. Yet again, Seth and his band were fantastic. There is a soul to folk music like this that I find really emotive and powerful, I can't quite explain myself what it is, there is just something about it that completely carries me away. From infectious upbeat instrumentals to lyrics so raw that they almost bring a tear to your eye; every note, every breath are of an almost indescribable quality. I sincerely recommend any folk event to you all and if you ever get the opportunity to see Seth Lakeman, take it!!

Becca.

Pulling A Demi...

Demi Lavato is totally one of my biggest girl crushes. She is beauuuutiful and I just love her. I also love that she makes me feel a bit less of a lunatic when it comes to dying my hair... Anyone who knows me, particularly those close to me or unfortunate enough to have lived with me (Billing, Mel, Ruth) will inform you that I am an absolute NIGHTMARE when it comes to changing my hair. I get easily bored and it more often than not, my way of showing my frustration or mood change etc. I am pretty lucky to even have hair left on my head, let alone the decent condition it is actually still in. I dread to think how much I have spent over the years on home hair dye, it is terrifying. But it is a release. And a much healthier one than some of my scarier alternatives. That is why I love Demi, she seems to do the same, she is always saying how her constantly changing locks are down to her bipolar mood swings. Makes me feel much better that I'm not alone in this coping mechanism. I can't even tell you why my hair is one of my outlets, I suppose sometimes I want to show some sort of outer change to go with whatever is in my mind. But more often than not, I think it is much like a Post Secret I once read, "I change my hair because I can't change myself." Sad but true. I feel shitty, I don't like myself, somehow, a quick change of appearance makes me feel like I should be a whole new me. Rarely works but oh well.

I feel this is a bit of a rambley yet stacatto post today. Sorry folks, head is aaaall over the place. It has been a very negative day. A day with my beautiful Sophie tomorrow will hopefully be the perfect remedy. I will also try to get some photos of my new mop to show you. I am still waiting to see myself, boxes of dye 4 and 5 are still on my head.... I kid you not.

That's it for nowwww.

Becca.

Up In The Air

I've realised recently that it's probably quite easy for anyone reading my blog to know whether I'm having a good few days or on a bit of a downer. (I avoid the world and stop writing when things get really bleak and I can only apologise for that.) I think that even when I'm writing a review or a small post, it becomes slightly apparent whether I'm writing because I feel I have to or I'm actually in a good mood and want to fill post upon post with endless wittering. Bearing that in mind, you'll see that I have posted a fair bit recently and that's because, after a bit of a glum start to last week, I perked up towards Thursday/Friday and started to feel a bit more human, I felt life and passion returning to my bones and since then, I've been doing alright. I still can tell that I'm not on the same level as others and it is really easy for me to over-do it and need to retreat under my duvet for a bit but still, I'm going to try not to focus on that and focus on the fact that I have actually smiled and had some pleasant times recently; curry night with the girls on Saturday, followed by sitting right in front of the tv like a child to watch footage from The Rolling Stones in Hyde Park constantly yelling and pointing, "I'M AROUND THERE SOMEWHERE!" Sunday was relatively quiet, head in a book kinda day and Monday I headed in to Manchester to have dinner with mum and Michele (Mitch's mum). I finally got to enjoy another Pizza Express Pollo Pancetta Salad; I have been going on about this since I had it in summer (apologies to everyone who has had to sit through my mouth-watering descriptions of crispy pancetta, succulent chicken, crunchy sweet pepperdew peppers and more..). Yesterday was another quiet one, spent wandering around with Max getting in the Autumn spirit. It has been rather lovely actually. I'm just hoping I can keep it up. I need to go back to the doctors really, I was supposed to start new counselling but chickened out after speaking to the man because he sounded a lot like the nasty doctor I had last year and hated. I have to remind myself that that is okay though, I am allowed to ask for someone I can actually talk to without trembling seeing as the whole process is supposed to help and not hinder. Hopefully I can pluck up the courage to sort that soon!

How are you guys?!

Becca.

More Charity Shop Gold

I was in need of a little retail therapy the other day but as I'm am very short of pennies, I hit up a few charity shops and they really delivered! Firstly, a cute floral vest which will go with anything, a whole £1.95. Then a new leather handbag, big enough for me to lug around my camera and all the other crap I insist I "need". Finally, for eight whole pounds, this beautiful wool blend, oversized blazer style coat!! I love this style of coat but never dreamed I would be able to afford one as all the nicest ones are pushing £80 or something. This is exactly what I wanted, monochrome, with pockets for chilly fingers, well lined and warm. What more could a girl ask for!

Becca.

F.J.

I feel have to dedicate a little post today to the beast that is my cat Joey. I totally understand why some people don't like cats because if you get one with a mean or rubbish personality, they're not that amazing but we got so lucky with this chump. He is hilarious and so lovely; bullies/plays with the dog, snores like nothing on earth, follows mum and paws/climbs up her until she feeds him and goes mental for anything dairy. He also seems to be my blogging partner in crime, whenever I sit at my laptop to type and edit, he comes scratching at the door to be let in and sits next to me snoring and purring, he can be such a sweetie. Last night, he was not so sweet, when halfway through Downton, he strolled in with a giant dead mouse in his mouth! It took mum a few moments to register why I was squealing, it then became a race to get rid of the mouse before Max or Joey managed to enjoy it. Not the peaceful Sunday evening you hope for!! Hopefully it was a one of gift from the lovely F.J. (Fat Joe)

Becca.

For Love and Lemons Lingerie

A while ago, I did a post on the beautiful American brand For Love and Lemons; everything they create has a certain effortless beauty and style and I lust after it all. This summer they launched their first lingerie line and boy, did they deliver with this one! I am a firm believer that beautiful underwear is one of the best pick me up;s for us girls. It is definitely one of my main loves. Even when I am dressed like a tramp, no make up, boys shirt, I will usually be wearing some lovely skivvies, I just can't help it, it makes me feel better and I love it! I am constantly lusting after gorgeous pieces that are far to expensive for the amount of fabric involved but what can I say, I suppose I am a girl underneath all the scruffy shirts. Back to the collection at hand, modelled by the incredibly stunning Sheila Marquez, every piece is feminine and stunning with a bit of edge and old school glamour thrown in for good measure. Timeless and perfect if you ask me.
Someone please just let me have it all?

What do you think?

Becca.